Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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