he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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