I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
