I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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