so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
