The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
