I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
