if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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