Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
