smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
