She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
