I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
