I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
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i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
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If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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