i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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