Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
