Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
