How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
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