If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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