How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
