we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
