Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
