Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
