Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
