I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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