im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
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