she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm having to shit out rocks
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
