im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
