Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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