i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
