i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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