No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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