I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
