Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
