I'm gonna have a badass scar
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
