I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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