So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
