The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
