Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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