Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Randomize
