That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You've changed since you got that strap on
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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