He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
