Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
