Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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