Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
