Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
