i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
