If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
