one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
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We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
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There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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