Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
