just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
