I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Can Purell be used as lube?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
