so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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