I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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