Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
