before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
