Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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