My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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