i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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