I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
