was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
