i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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