it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
