thus making me awesome and them whores
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
