you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
