I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
