omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
