Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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