I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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