Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
