I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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