and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We are two peas in an std pod
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
In other news, I just burned my penis
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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