you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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